System Reset - Restart

 Dusting off the ol' keyboard, and trying to kick-0ff this blog space again. A lot has happened in 10yrs; I fell in love & got married, we lost family members and added some new ones. We adopted a cute little Schnauzer, we bought our first home, I was promoted at work, I stopped powerlifiting but starting playing softball again. I was offered a position back in L.A., sold our first home, moved back to L.A. and bought our forever home...

In true fashion of big life changes, at some point it all became overwhelming. Although there were a lot of happy moments, there were some really challenging ones that eventually took me down a road where I lost myself a little.

I stopped taking photos, and posting positive thoughts with them. I stopped writing and sharing my thoughts with everyone, but even worse sometimes I even hid them from myself. I had a pretty lengthy run where I was up and down. At one point I even had my very first anxiety attack. 

That single incident was enough for me to start making little changes. It legitimately scared me. I had been bottling everything up and not pouring enough out. I realized I needed to make some adjustments and I needed to do it sooner than later. I started small, because honestly, I didn't have it in me to dive back into my journal. I bought one earlier that year and was off to a great start, but then I just fell off. 

I noticed I was becoming easily overwhelmed and distracted. So, I turned to the one thing that always centers my soul, music. No, I didn't start playing the piano again or anything. I simply invested in some noise cancelling AirPods and a nice pair of over the ear headphones. It was my way only way of tuning out the outside noise that had made its way in and rustled the insides of me. It allowed me to sit and focus on the one thing I needed to get done, whether it was a project at work, a project at home, or a project within. I had to make the conscious effort to work one thing at a time. 

So hear I am. Years later, I began journaling again. Now that I finally feel like I have the mind space, the physical space is a nice addition too, I'm ready to just put my thoughts back out there. I know I'm not the only one who has ever been in these places, so I'm open to hearing how anyone else has gotten through, what they are currently going through, or how they are trying to get started. 

Let's journey together...  

Operation Power Physique

Hittin that FIERCE flex at Metroflex Long Beach

"A blessing in disguise" is what I choose to keep telling myself. For those of you who have been following me for awhile, you all know about the pec strain I incurred leading up to my last meet in April. Those of you who are here for the first time, Welcome and thank you for taking the time to step into "Mai World".

Keeping with the tradition of "Transformation Tuesday", I would like to take the time to talk about the recent transformation you have been seeing. It's not an illusion, this powerlifter is shrinking down in size. 

After my pec injury, I expressed to my coach 
(Kelly Bautista) that I didn't want to just sit and train around my injury while I recovered. I was concerned that I would get bored, discouraged, and so depressed that I would just make my injury worse or eat my feelings away. I didn't want to lose all the progress we had made with my last prep. So, the only thing to do was to adjust my sails. 

Call me stubborn, but when I'm presented with a challenge, I work my way through it. I figured it was time to listen to my body and stop putting off the inevitable. So I have finally decided to commit myself to the ultimate challenge... Stepping on stage in Women's Physique.

Yes, I'm serious. 

Yes, I'm sure. 

Yes, I know I have to step on stage with a two-piece on.

Yes, I'm scared outta my mind. 

No, I haven't lost my mind; that would imply I was sane to begin with. 

And finally, the "why"... 

Aside from my typical "Because, I can!" answer, I feel like I am finally in a good spot in my life. Transformation doesn't happen overnight, and I have to admit that the last 5 years of my life have been filled with DAILY transformation. My outlook, my mentality, my emotional state, my perspective of love and trust, my journey through fitness, a career change, the deaths of family members, and a support system stronger than I could have ever imagined. I have the confidence and courage today, that I could barely piece together 5 years ago. I've proven to myself just what I am capable of achieving, and with the amazing support system I have right now.. I feel invincible. I feel, with such strong conviction, that even if I was to fall short I have achieved success by just getting started. 

So join me as I push myself to new limits. It is a time in my life I will have to face vulnerability to the 100th degree. For years I have created an emotional wall to protect me from such things, but it will only hinder my progress and true transformation. I am excited to see my body transform, as well as breaking out of my shell. Believe it or not, I embarrass myself rather easily, so posing in public has been quite the challenge for me. I've always been viewed as the girl who just "lifts heavy weights". Now, I'm lifting with the goal of aesthetics rather than total weight lifted. The unknown is nerve-wrecking, but I have all the right people in my corner, to get me through "gut-wrenching ego  check" days. Operation Power Physique is in full effect... I mean, if I'm not living with my life in full-throttle, what am I really doing? I need to stop getting in my own way, spread my wings... and FLY!!!

Lift Big. LIVE FIERCE!!!!

Aspire to Inspire

I have said it so many times before... Transformation is so much more than the physical changes a person makes to their physique; it's also how they change the way they think and feel about being healthier. When you feel good about yourself, it begins to show from the inside-out and before you know it you have inspired someone to make a healthy change to their lifestyle as well. Happiness is contagious in all forms: love, health, positivity, etc.

Today, I want to give mad props to one of the sweetest Starbucks Baristas I know. Everyone, meet Jess. A few years ago, I inspired her to take back control of her health and she started walking/running. At that point, I pushed her a little further and encouraged her to sign up for a 5k just to have a goal to shoot for. Now, she has quite a few 5k's under her belt and has now inspired other women to do the same. Next month, she will be running the Run Or Dye with a team of women who she inspired. It feels amazing to see it come full circle, and see how one positive influence has affected so many others indirectly. Like I say and WILL ALWAYS say:

IT'S NOT ABOUT MOVING WEIGHTS, IT'S ABOUT MOVING LIVES!!

It all starts with me...

Transformation occurs at so many different levels. I have to admit, this past year has had the most transformation for me. I've grown spiritually, mentally, emotionally & physically. As single transformations, they were great but all together they bring me to a heightened level of transformation... One compliments the other and as one grows, so do the rest. I have learned to sync my mind, body & soul. I'm happy, my body is healthy and strong, and my heart n' soul are filled with pure hope and love. You see, when I learned positive thinking is the ONLY way to bring happiness and joy to my life, I stopped worrying about the small stuff. I focused on the very blessings laid before me, and I monopolized on that and that alone. My life has been blessed with amazingly supportive people who love me for me, for my fitness, and for my love for God. There's more to me than the eye can see and only the heart can know. You may not agree with everything I believe in or do, but that's okay. I've learned to live this life for me and by me. The ones who matter will join me in my madness without reservation or judgement. At the end of the day, that is all I need. 

So please excuse me as I continue to transform my mind, my heart, my soul, and my body... I'm just warming up.

Unexpected excellence

5 yrs ago today, I donned my Navy Uniform for the last time. I was leaving behind 10 yrs of job security & camaraderie. I was giving up the privilege of proudly serving our nation and stepping back into the "Real World" and "Civilian Workforce". I didn't have a 5 yr plan. Hell, I didn't really have a plan at all. I had landed a job as a civilian contractor doing the same job and that's all I knew. 

Never would I imagine how drastic my life would change in 5 yrs. I have gained so much more than I could ever dream of: A successful career outside of the toolbox, newfound love & respect for myself, a great passion for fitness, and an amazing group of friends I have met along the way. I'm living the dream of "Wealth, Health, & Love". None of which would be possible without faith and the hunger for wanting more out of life. 

This picture shows you the well-groomed Federal Employee with hopeful eyes, bearing a genuine smile that lights up like a starlit sky. What it doesn't show you was the struggle I went through and how much loss I experienced in the process. It won't always be sunny days, but trust me when I say it was definitely worth the rainy ones. 

You don't always have to know where you are going, as long as you commit to moving forward!

Do more, Say more, Change more... Lives

      

It's 3 am on the Sunday of an emotional week. I just finished training, and decided to log onto Facebook to check-out what I've missed from this busy weekend. I came across a touching video on  the Mommy and Me Cancer Foundation's page; it was about a triathalon a few of their athletes completed last weekend. These were women, who not only dedicated their time but their physical abilities to help raise money for a foundation created to help Mother's with Cancer. How amazing is that?!?

Earlier this week, I received an email from the National Marrow Donor Program stating that I was a match. I can't begin to explain the excitement in my heart when I read the email. I signed up as a donor back in 2007, and here it was... finally my chance to save a life. So eager to find out more, I immediately called to start the process. As we started to go through the medical history portion of the screening, I felt my heart break the second she told me I was disqualified. The Degenerative Discs in my lower back made me ineligible for both procedures. To be perfectly honest, I wanted to cry. Those who know me, know how passionate I am about everything I set out to do, this was no different. I'm not one who likes to be told "no" or that I can't do something, but this was something I couldn't change. The rules are written, and there was no way around it. With disappointment in my heart, I decided to post about it on Facebook and Instagram. Just because I can't donate my marrow, doesn't mean I can't help spread the word to those who can. To my surprise, my efforts didn't go unnoticed. That same day I received a message from a high school friend who said she visited the website and requested a registration kit to be sent to her. That's all it takes, one person to take the first step.

So here I am, thinking "Why can't we all just do a little more?". I know plenty of people in the fitness industry, not to mention the many of you whom I met or reunited with because of my fitness journey. So, I ask you, what's stopping you from doing more? I would like to think it's just because people are unaware of how something so small can change a life in such a tremendous way. Everyday we are willing to spend hours in the gym to better ourselves, why not use it for some good towards someone who needs it? I've personally participated in a few Relay For Life events, a Kidney Walk, a Tour de Cure for Diabetes, and a deadlift contest for the 1736 Family Crisis Center. So why do I feel like I haven't done enough? Because for these warriors, the fight is never really over. With that said, here is my challenge to all of you: Find a local event, and give back. Donate your time, maybe some loose change, or perhaps participate as a fundraising athlete. Take the time to meet with these warriors, listen to their stories, and I guarantee that you will leave there feeling like you need to do more and give more. I'm a firm believer that I was not given my talents to glorify myself, but to use it as a tools for a greater good. So I encourage you all to do the same. A million little steps, still gets you to your destination; the hard part is getting started. Let this be a part of your "fit" journey, I'm honored to make it a part of mine. All the medals, plaques, and new records pale in comparison to a life changed from participating in a charity event. It's bigger than you and I, and as long as I'm strong enough to "pay it forward" I will continue to do so. 

For those of you wondering, "Where do I start?" Simply scroll down to the bottom right of this blog page and you can find the links to a few of my favorite charities. So there you have it, all the tools to get you started. READY.... SET.... GO!!!!!

Always looking forward...

August 2010 - Venezia S. Lucia, Italy

I had been on Italian soil for less than 24 hours when this picture was taken. I couldn't help but feel at peace and excited at the same time. We landed in Milan, spent the day in Venice, and were heading to Bellagio the next day. At this point, it had been almost a year since I decided to take back control of my life. My heart was finally starting to mend, I was rediscovering who I was, I was working with a trainer to get back in shape, and I had finally adjusted to being a civilian in the workforce. I was well on my way to a brighter path. I promised myself that I was going to enjoy this trip, and leave everything else behind. Although it was my childhood best friend getting married, this was MY time. 

Italy changed me and the way I approached my everyday life. Our schedule was hectic and the travel was insane. Normally I would trip out if we weren't running on time or my OCD would kick-in and everything would need to be planned out and laid out a certain way, but something was different this time. I finally realized that not everything had to be planned out, and how much nicer it was to leave things up to chance. I just had to let it all go and roll with it. I found myself taking in deep breaths and with each exhale my guard went down piece by piece.

When we reached Bellagio,  my heart was overwhelmed with love while my mind was finally at peace. I guess staring across Lake Como with the Swiss Alps draping the background had that affect on me. I didn't feel like a foreigner in another land, thousands of miles away from my comfort zone. Instead, I finally felt like I was "home". The peace I felt was so overwhelming that words would do it injustice. For once in a long time, I was happy... with myself and the life I was living.

Was it some mystical wonder of being in another country? Was it the beautiful view of the majestic mountains? Or perhaps the calm body of water that surrounded the city of Bellagio. Maybe, but I would not have enjoyed their beauty as a whole had I not made one important, life-changing decision... letting go.

I made the choice to let go of all the pain, doubt, anger, and fear of the unknown. Once I made that choice for myself, the flood gates broke and happiness drenched my soul. I haven't looked back since.  I can't control everything, and life is too precious to waste worrying about it. The more you anchor yourself to the negative the longer it takes for you to reach that happiness. Let go and move forward. Only look back to remind yourself of where you don't want to be. When you choose to be happy, being anything else is no longer an option.

Choose love and laughter... Choose to live by YOUR rules.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, "Successful people LIVE well, LAUGH often, and LOVE much."